Resurrection

Yesterday at 10:12pm 

I can't begin to describe in words how much weight has been lifted from my shoulders since making the recent discovery of what has been the cause of a long and literally painful journey for the last year and a bit. As it turns out the anti-depressant Wellbutrin that was prescribed to me has been the culprit to my joint and muscle pain, along with various other alarming symptoms I have endured since taking it. I discovered this by not taking it for a month (due to my forgetfulness and lack of funds for the prescription) and was making progress in mobility and function both at work and at home with working out. I started taking it again last Monday and within 7 days I was in so much pain, I literally couldn't stand as I had shooting pains going through my leg and into my knee making it buckle. I could hardly make a fist to grab my coffee let alone have the strength in my arm to lift it.  

YESTERDAY I did not take the Wellbutrin in the evening as I would normally, and WITHIN A DAY the difference is incredible. I was able to stand normally and I was able to lift my arms past my elbows. There are no stabbing pains in my shoulder blades; there is no fuzzy vision, no intense headaches, and NO HIP PAIN!! There is some pain still from my repetitive strain injuries, but now I feel like I can actually make a full recovery. I feel like I have been given another lease on my life, and another chance to get to do the things that I loved to do before. Like RUNNING!!! I could cry from how relieved I feel right now, but I might save that for when I'm done my next run on the treadmill.  

If there was any moral to this story I think it would be to record ALL your symptoms short and long term when you take any medication, it took me over a year to figure this one out, and yet as I go through the list of symptoms the following sites list I shake my head as it seems so obvious now. LISTEN TO YOUR BODY!!! As I get older I now realize how important this is, as you only get one. ONE, no returns or exchanges, and NO ONE is going to know it better than you, or is going to take care of it for you.
And TAKE CARE! How often do we put ourselves through endless nights, long hours, extreme work outs, heavy work, and simple poor posture. ALL of it affects us one way or another and it always, always catches up with you. Don’t be afraid to tell the doctors that something is not working for you; they work for you, and if they can't help you, find someone who can, even if that person is yourself. I have also learned that by educating myself, I am able to find the people I need that will respect what I have to say and help me in my journey. Don't allow ignorance be an excuse to be taken advantage of.  

But most importantly: Hang in there, KEEP GOING, Do it scared, Do it when it sucks, and NEVER EVER GIVE UP! This is your life, again you only have one, and if you refuse to fight for it you will lose it. It will just pass you by and before you know it will be too late. Don't be afraid to stand alone for what you love, and what you love to do. I had so many people tell me to quit my job, to do this and to do that, but I listened to my own voice. The one that said it's not over until YOU say it's over. And because I believed in myself, I found out the truth, I found the way through the storm and now I am ready for my own resurrection.   

http://www.drugs.com/wellbutrin.html 

http://www.drugs.com/sfx/wellbutrin-side-effects.html 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bupropion#Adverse_effects 

http://chealth.canoe.ca/drug_info_details.asp?channel_id=0&brand_name_id=439&page_no=2#AdverseEffects 

http://www.rexall.ca/articles/view/1800/Wellbutrin-XL#adverseeffects_title

Rooted to Bloom

So here we are almost two years later with my Snake plant or aka Mother In Laws Tongue and its FLOWERING!!! It has several new shoots and ones that are as tall as the pot it is in! It does sit in our living room window which gets the afternoon and some evening sun, for those who are curious of its habitat. Who would of guessed that plant I thought I killed would end up rooting itself and go on to flower?! Another example of what love, patience and a bit of sunshine can do. Boomdeyada Baby!! HAPPY EARTH DAY!!

A Perfect Storm

Am I the Malignant personality surrounded by Socio and Psychopaths? From an early age I felt the rage, the compulsion to destroy. The ability to turn off the soul and solely function on adrenaline and methodical obsession.

So when did it change, that instead of finding comfort in the darkness, that my heart would warm, and seek the peace from light, surrounding and overwhelming, more powerful than anything I could have imagined in my time before these last few moments...

I was a God, before I came to live, as a woman of human form, on this Earth of physical limitations, mental boundaries of understanding. My eyes see beyond what is in front of me, yet the brain is confused, at the missing pieces it sees but cannot grasp, to fit into the grand puzzle I was and have chosen to be apart of.

I have no sense of purpose as my third decade of fleshy, confused, maddening existence fastly comes to a close. My adolescent emotions, for a moment, wreaked havoc upon my being, as the fear of the unknown and failure infected my mainframe. I have not seen commercial success in any of my endeavors, I dwell with my pro-creators still as other kin have moved onto other adventures.

Then the light comes over me again, the sensation warms and numbs the darkness away. A wave of tingling ecstasy crashes over my cold heart and the power returns. The creators voice sings again in my soul "what the other humans think is not important, their ideas of success and importance and purpose are foolish and superficial. They are not MY definitions of purpose and success."

"You were apart of me. You were a God. You have greatness within you, unmatched my most who walk among you. Your time is coming, you will light the skies brighter than the moon. Trust that your path is imperfectly perfect. They couldn't begin to understand the awesome plan of it all as I have created it, as you live it."

I sharply inhale, my head swimming, my soul on fire, my crown no longer plagued, my neurons and atoms racing beyond sight and sound. And then the eerie calmness fades gradually as the Creators presence moves on into the background, ready to step in again in a moments notice, ever patient.

The darkness hides in the corner, frightened and bruised. It fears ME now, knowing that I am marked by the Ultimate power from where it began and from where it will end. It can no longer be my friend, my rage has no choice but to be turned into something else. Something beyond all current understanding.

The darkness will continue to try to pursued me, "I can also show you glory, I will give you purpose, you will be feared, respected and renown." It will use all my fears, my insecurities, and especially my pride against me. To confuse me, to despair me, to madden and blind me. The well known game it has and continues to play. I am familiar. Time will see as to the breaking of spirits and amends that may or may not be made.

Is anyone truly aware of how close we all are to crossing over to the Malignant, the Sociopath, the Psychopath, and the Demented? Are your eyes truly open, is your soul truly self aware? Are you shut off, shut down, blind, ignorant? Are you brave enough to change? Would you be willing to live your own "truth" and know that it would be someone else's "wrong"? 

*The Rose*
April.18.2014

Girl on Fire

Everybody stares, as she goes by.'Cause they can see the flame that's in her eyes. Watch her when she's lighting up the night. No body knows that she's a lonely girl, and it's a lonely world. But she gonna let it burn baby, BURN BABY!

To Learn Something New!

Its official! I am a registered student at Mohawk College! I have enrolled in a two day class for Sewing Introduction.  After this one I will try to enroll in the next several for the next term.  They will be Basic Sewing 1-4. After that I can chose to enroll in their Dress Making course! But for now we begin here.  :-D

A Girl Who Reads

Thankful Thursday

Is it B for Black or a Heart? With the whole gang back at home again I cant help but choose to look at it as a heart! <3 

Treasure Hunting 2014: Day 8

These are already gone! Yum yum!

Treasure Hunting 2014: Day 7

Treasure Hunting 2014: Day 6

Feel fresh and clean! This one was the hardest to find!