Am I the Malignant personality surrounded by Socio and Psychopaths? From an early age I felt the rage, the compulsion to destroy. The ability to turn off the soul and solely function on adrenaline and methodical obsession.
So when did it change, that instead of finding comfort in the darkness, that my heart would warm, and seek the peace from light, surrounding and overwhelming, more powerful than anything I could have imagined in my time before these last few moments...
I was a God, before I came to live, as a woman of human form, on this Earth of physical limitations, mental boundaries of understanding. My eyes see beyond what is in front of me, yet the brain is confused, at the missing pieces it sees but cannot grasp, to fit into the grand puzzle I was and have chosen to be apart of.
I have no sense of purpose as my third decade of fleshy, confused, maddening existence fastly comes to a close. My adolescent emotions, for a moment, wreaked havoc upon my being, as the fear of the unknown and failure infected my mainframe. I have not seen commercial success in any of my endeavors, I dwell with my pro-creators still as other kin have moved onto other adventures.
Then the light comes over me again, the sensation warms and numbs the darkness away. A wave of tingling ecstasy crashes over my cold heart and the power returns. The creators voice sings again in my soul "what the other humans think is not important, their ideas of success and importance and purpose are foolish and superficial. They are not MY definitions of purpose and success."
"You were apart of me. You were a God. You have greatness within you, unmatched my most who walk among you. Your time is coming, you will light the skies brighter than the moon. Trust that your path is imperfectly perfect. They couldn't begin to understand the awesome plan of it all as I have created it, as you live it."
I sharply inhale, my head swimming, my soul on fire, my crown no longer plagued, my neurons and atoms racing beyond sight and sound. And then the eerie calmness fades gradually as the Creators presence moves on into the background, ready to step in again in a moments notice, ever patient.
The darkness hides in the corner, frightened and bruised. It fears ME now, knowing that I am marked by the Ultimate power from where it began and from where it will end. It can no longer be my friend, my rage has no choice but to be turned into something else. Something beyond all current understanding.
The darkness will continue to try to pursued me, "I can also show you glory, I will give you purpose, you will be feared, respected and renown." It will use all my fears, my insecurities, and especially my pride against me. To confuse me, to despair me, to madden and blind me. The well known game it has and continues to play. I am familiar. Time will see as to the breaking of spirits and amends that may or may not be made.
Is anyone truly aware of how close we all are to crossing over to the Malignant, the Sociopath, the Psychopath, and the Demented? Are your eyes truly open, is your soul truly self aware? Are you shut off, shut down, blind, ignorant? Are you brave enough to change? Would you be willing to live your own "truth" and know that it would be someone else's "wrong"?
*The Rose*
April.18.2014
So when did it change, that instead of finding comfort in the darkness, that my heart would warm, and seek the peace from light, surrounding and overwhelming, more powerful than anything I could have imagined in my time before these last few moments...
I was a God, before I came to live, as a woman of human form, on this Earth of physical limitations, mental boundaries of understanding. My eyes see beyond what is in front of me, yet the brain is confused, at the missing pieces it sees but cannot grasp, to fit into the grand puzzle I was and have chosen to be apart of.
I have no sense of purpose as my third decade of fleshy, confused, maddening existence fastly comes to a close. My adolescent emotions, for a moment, wreaked havoc upon my being, as the fear of the unknown and failure infected my mainframe. I have not seen commercial success in any of my endeavors, I dwell with my pro-creators still as other kin have moved onto other adventures.
Then the light comes over me again, the sensation warms and numbs the darkness away. A wave of tingling ecstasy crashes over my cold heart and the power returns. The creators voice sings again in my soul "what the other humans think is not important, their ideas of success and importance and purpose are foolish and superficial. They are not MY definitions of purpose and success."
"You were apart of me. You were a God. You have greatness within you, unmatched my most who walk among you. Your time is coming, you will light the skies brighter than the moon. Trust that your path is imperfectly perfect. They couldn't begin to understand the awesome plan of it all as I have created it, as you live it."
I sharply inhale, my head swimming, my soul on fire, my crown no longer plagued, my neurons and atoms racing beyond sight and sound. And then the eerie calmness fades gradually as the Creators presence moves on into the background, ready to step in again in a moments notice, ever patient.
The darkness hides in the corner, frightened and bruised. It fears ME now, knowing that I am marked by the Ultimate power from where it began and from where it will end. It can no longer be my friend, my rage has no choice but to be turned into something else. Something beyond all current understanding.
The darkness will continue to try to pursued me, "I can also show you glory, I will give you purpose, you will be feared, respected and renown." It will use all my fears, my insecurities, and especially my pride against me. To confuse me, to despair me, to madden and blind me. The well known game it has and continues to play. I am familiar. Time will see as to the breaking of spirits and amends that may or may not be made.
Is anyone truly aware of how close we all are to crossing over to the Malignant, the Sociopath, the Psychopath, and the Demented? Are your eyes truly open, is your soul truly self aware? Are you shut off, shut down, blind, ignorant? Are you brave enough to change? Would you be willing to live your own "truth" and know that it would be someone else's "wrong"?
*The Rose*
April.18.2014
No comments:
Post a Comment